Change at Any Age
When I was in college, I assumed that at some point in my life there would be no more dramatic changes. I would have a family, live in the same house for the rest of my life, and work at the same company for my entire career. None of that happened.
Instead, I my life changed – often. I learned that I could use change as an opportunity to re-invent myself, or sometimes I wanted to side-step change (but change happened anyway). Sometimes change has been gradual. Sometimes it has been a barrel ride down a waterfall.
Mostly what I learned was that the best way to handle change is to ask the right questions.
Is it time to change?
This is the first question I ask myself, whether I am initiating the change or the change is thrust on me. I most likely do not know the outcome of the change. This question gives me a chance to list what I like and dislike about my pre-change circumstances, and express gratitude for where I’ve been and for the chance for a new experience.
I always use the same technique. I draw a line down a piece of paper, then list likes on one side and dislikes on the other. What is most powerful about this technique for me is that I can build the list with my husband or my friends, so that they can offer me suggestions I might not have considered, and provide support for the change.
What and where could I imagine myself being?
The fun part of change is to brainstorm with all ideas ok, no judgements allowed. I write it all down, whether it was fighting Darth Vader, joining a circus, time-traveling, or dying my hair blue and opening up a yarn shop in a small town somewhere. Sometimes I used mind-mapping. I invite you to use any technique and involve as many or as few people as you want.
I let my ideas simmer for a period of time, and then I start the research.
Taking retirement planning as an example, I compared weather, the cost of living, public transportation, and crime in potential retirement spots to where we live now. I ordered retirement packages from chambers of commerce.
One question I always ask myself at this stage is if we can afford the change. To answer that question:
The web is a great resource for employer and career changes. LinkedIn provides job alerts. I also signed up for updates from job sites like Indeed and Monster, just to see what is available, what prospective employers are looking for, and what they pay. It’s a great no-commitment goldmine of information.
Check with a financial advisor or your accountant. My husband’s retirement program offered free visits with a financial advisor, as well as exhaustive reports about what our finances would be at retirement at different ages.
What do I see? Where do I see it?
I review my research, and visualize the ideas that intrigue me the most. That might involve:
Cutting out pictures from magazines or printing out pictures from the web, and thumbtacking them to a corkboard. For example:
For a career change, what might I wear and where might I work? I gathered pictures of people wearing those types of clothes, pictures of the buildings of prospective employers, and pictures of the cities where those prospective employers were located.
Would we relocate for a job or for retirement? I gathered pictures of the cities or towns as well as surrounding areas, and watched webcams and video clips.
For job relocation or retirement planning:
Following the local chamber of commerce on Facebook
Checking out the websites of cities and towns and requesting relocation packages
Requesting walking tour brochures from the local chamber of commerce
Going there. For example:
When I wanted to work for a particular company, I drove to the building to understand the route, the area, and the parking. When possible, I walked into the building to soak in the atmosphere, and to talk to people about how they liked working there.
When we planned for my husband’s retirement, we traveled to the places that interested us most. We walked around town, and asked people about what it was like to live there. We talked to a realtor, who provided us addresses of homes for sale so that we could familiarize ourselves with the town and the types of homes available. We got haircuts at the local barbershop – you would be amazed at the wealth of information barbers and their customers can offer.
What am I willing to give up or take on to make change happen?
I spent most of my career in jeans. I was willing to dress more formally for a new career, but I can promise you that I feel awkward in suits and dresses. But I could always wear my jeans after work.
Job relocation and retirement planning required other decisions that were more impactful than a wardrobe change. I’ve lived in apartments and condos for most of my adult life, where I’ve only been responsible for the air inside the unit. A house is a whole other ball of wax. A house with a single-car garage is a new lifestyle for a Southern California couple with two cars. And four seasons? The mind boggles. Are those considerations worth it to live happily ever after with my best friend husband? Absolutely!
Whatever the reason for the change, one of my major considerations has always been how far away I am willing to live from the people I care about. I found that Facebook is a great way to keep my relationships vibrant, no matter where any of us live. I also recommend Skype for a more personal interaction across distances.
How do I make change happen?
Change only happens for me when I give it all up. That means giving up on imagining the change, giving up the research, giving up on finding a new job, giving up the virtual house-hunting, giving up the frustration of wanting what isn’t happening. So after doing everything, the best thing I can do is nothing.
And then change happens. It might be a barrel ride down a waterfall. But I built that barrel and I’ve lived in that barrel. I’m ready.
